According to a recently study published by the American Sociological Review, 70% of Americans struggle with finding a work-life system that works for them.

I remember some years ago, working late and glancing at the clock in sheer horror. It was almost 5’oclock and my 6-year-old daughter was still in school waiting for me to pick her up. Needless to say, I darted out the office, jumped in the car and drove like a mad woman. All sorts of thoughts ran through my mind- “School was over at 2:30 p.m. and she’s in school alone at that hour! I’m a bad mother!” I ended up in tears, sobbing.

I reached the school and Abi is happily playing with her friends.

Have you had a similar experience of being late to pick up your child after work or forgetting about a commitment you made to a family member or good friend, forgetting a birthday, an anniversary. You sometimes feel guilty! I went on a serious guilt trip!

One day I was participating in a training programme and I shared the very same experience with my colleagues and the facilitator said something that struck me- your work makes your daughter’s life comfortable, it provides her with a certain standard of living, so we must never feel guilty or badly because we have to juggle work and home. Of course, don’t overdo it at work. That was the “Aha” moment for me.

Why is it when we speak of career and home balance, it is within a context where the scale is always tipped in favour of career? In other words, I have never heard anyone say “I need more balance in my life, I have to spend more time at work!” It’s the home life that is always suffering.

Is it because we get the pay-cheque from work so we invest the time and energy? Is it because we seek self-fulfillment from our work? If we work long and hard we will be promoted? Or do we define ourselves by the work we do?

What if we were to invest more of our time and energy in our homes and personal relationships? What pay back or rewards may we receive? Probably better relationships and more fulfilling lives. In the end, when our time is drawing nigh, we will not miss the work, but we will miss the smile on the face of our husband, wife, daughter or son.

As a full-time mother, wife and manager, here are some lessons I learnt along the way:

• Wake up early. Getting up early gives you a sense of control over your day. You won’t be rushing to get to work.
• Organize yourself at work. Get to work early and leave early. Every morning make a list of three tasks you want to accomplish. Prepare your to-do-list on the afternoon before you leave, for the following day.
• Assume ownership of your time. Manage distractions (like social media and idle conversations from the popular girl down the corridor who seems to have no work to do and always pops in your office) and stop procrastination. Learn to say “no” sometimes.
• Carve out time for your family each week. Go for dinner, ice-cream, have a family movie-night.
• Do routine things together as a family- take mini vacations, go to church or visit relatives or friends together, as a family.
• Get support. Whether for your chores, or just good old moral support. Remember you are not superman or superwoman.
• Schedule some “me” time-take care of yourself, meditate, exercise, find a hobby.
• Schedule a date night with your other half. He/she will thank you for it.
• Ensure you share a least one meal together as a family, if not daily, weekly.

Even with the above tips, we must recognize that work is part of life and not separate and apart from it. Sometimes we just need to focus more on work, for example when there is a project deadline approaching, and sometimes we need to just focus on home because the situation warrants it, for example illness, death, wedding, birth of a child, exams, or an important family event.

Work-life balance is a see-saw. “Balance” is whatever gives you peace of mind and makes sense for you at a given point in time. “Balance” is never balanced like a scale.

We can’t be innocent bystanders in our lives. Life does not just happen to us. In spite of challenging circumstances, we can create a “balanced” life that leaves us feeling fulfilled. We all have a desire to do better, to be better. The only requirement is sheer motivation and determination. And I know we all have the capacity and power to create the balance we crave.

My article was first published in the Trinidad Guardian newspapers on 29 November, 2018.

In every organization around the globe, at some point in time, conversations about its leadership and how it impacts its people will be had at water coolers, in cubicles, washrooms and boardrooms. If we listen a bit closer, in small pockets of conversations, we will hear women starting to count the number of females on their executive team and on their board of directors. Where are the women?

This is truly mindboggling, particularly when it’s in the company’s interest to have more women on board; research has shown that increased gender diversity in their executive ranks improves the company’s bottom line. A 2015 report on overall diversity by McKinsey & Co. examined 366 public companies across in the U.S., Canada, Latin America, and the U.K. and found that companies in the top quartile for gender diversity are 15% more likely to have financial returns above their national industry medians. Another popular piece of research, conducted in 2007 by diversity consultancy firm Catalyst, found that Fortune 500 companies with at least three female directors have 42% higher return on sales and 53% higher return on equity. The evidence is clear. Companies with the highest representation of women board directors attained significantly higher financial performance, on average, than those with the lowest representation of women board directors.

Despite the benefits of gender diversity for companies, the odds seem to be consistently stacked against women as they pursue senior roles and climb the corporate ladder. Women in the Workplace 2018, the largest comprehensive study of the state of women in corporate U.S.A., revealed that women remained significantly underrepresented at every level. The proverbial “glass ceiling” remains intact for many women. This subtle but detrimental form of discrimination results in women not attaining the opportunities that are “available” to them, despite their qualifications, suitability and best efforts.

The University of the West Indies graduation statistics for 2017 show that of the 4,016 students to receive degrees, 67.5 percent are female, yet this does not translate to a similar leading percentage of women at the senior management and executive level in organizations.

Performance bias helps explain early gaps in hiring and promotions. Research shows that we tend to overestimate men’s performance and underestimate women’s performance. As a result, men are often hired and promoted based on their potential, while women are often hired and promoted based on their track record.

The evidence suggests that more needs to be done to establish a management pipeline of women. Structural changes must be made within organizations to even the playing field. Companies should ensure that women, not only have access to developmental programmes, but the participation is encouraged and supported in a practical manner. Having a policy and programme is useless if there is no meaningful impact on the upward movement of women.

Mentorship has proven to be very valuable in assisting women develop their skills and prepare for more senior roles. In a study by Dr Jennifer Jones Morales of 78 elite leaders in Trinidad and Tobago, Barbados and Jamaica, findings revealed the importance of mentorship and giving back. Mentorship was crucially important to the point where it might be said that a lack of mentorship is a barrier to the development of the elite leaders.

The word mentor, “wise advisor,” has its roots in 1750, from Greek Mentor, friend of Odysseus and who was entrusted with the education of Odysseus’ son Telemachus. The mentor therefore is entrusted with the development of the mentee. Mentorship provides two different kinds of support, namely career development and psychosocial development. Mentors can assume the roles of a sponsor, advocate, protector, or a coach to provide support related to career development. They can also be a friend, role model, counsellor.

Mentorship can also assist women build very much needed networks. Building networks seems almost natural for men. It can be proffered that men’s access to vaster networks is a skill that is developed at an early age as boys participate in games and sports that forces them to negotiate and form lasting bonds. A mentor can help you better appreciate who would be beneficial to know and help you map your professional networks in order to maintain an understanding of who can be supportive when and why. A mentor should also be able to help you grow your professional network but making critical introductions to key personnel in your organization and field.

Furthermore, men negotiate differently than women. In their book Women Don’t Ask (2003), Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever remark that while 57 percent of male Carnegie Mellon graduate business students negotiate their starting salaries, only 7 percent of women do so – resulting in male starting salaries 7.6 percent higher than those attained by women.

Why don’t women attempt to negotiate as often as men? Do stereotypical beliefs that men are competitive, win-lose negotiators and women are accommodating, win-win negotiators affect their interactions? Whatever the reality, a mentor who is a senior experienced professional should be able to teach you strategies to hone the skills that help you improve your negotiating methods for a successful outcome. As with any skill, practice is the key to improving.

Mentorship can teach you to be very intentional and specific about your progress in our career. Mentorship forces you to define your projected career path and to articulate your desire for upward mobility. Left unsaid, you may not be considered as a serious contender for a senior position when it becomes available. Beth Ford, the first female C.E.O. of Land O’Lakes, clearly made it known that she wanted to be C.E.O. Mentorship also breeds accountability as mentees learn to take responsibility for their action items.

With all these valuable benefits of mentorship, the next obvious question is how to find a mentor? Historically women have reported a more difficult time finding mentors than men do, which should drive the need to creating mentoring networks aimed specifically at connecting women with mentors. The American Chamber of Commerce of Trinidad and Tobago in collaboration with the Inter-American Development Bank recently launched their second iteration of the Women in Leadership Mentorship Programme. The programme is a six-month programme that seeks to promote gender parity and is offered exclusively to their members. The programme will pair female mentees with senior professionals (both local and international) in the fields of Science, Information Technology, Economics and Occupational Health and Safety.

Mentorship in organizations can be either formal with a structured mentoring relationship, as described above, or informal, which is a usually a naturally occurring relationship based on personality, attributes and similar interests. One study found that women who found mentors through formal programmes were 50 percent more likely to be promoted than women who found mentors on their own. Yet on a personal level, informal mentorship allows you to choose your mentor who is more compatible to you and makes it easier for you to be more open and receptive to career support and counselling.

For informal mentorship, women often seek mentors like themselves, mentors with whom they can relate. Similarly, women mentees are almost always paired with female mentors in formal mentorship programmes. Why are men not equally considered as mentors for women? Probably because of society’s perception and the resultant risk of the relationship being seen as one of a romantic or sexual nature. We must rid ourselves of the notion that women must have a female mentor. Consistently pairing women with other women may be a grave mistake. The numbers tell us that men hold the majority of the senior roles in an organization. Women seeking mentors and administrators of formal mentorship programmes should not ignore the wealth of experience, knowledge and vast network of the right kind that a senior male mentor brings to the mentorship relationship. That should be the key criteria for selection of a mentor, not gender. Your relationship with your mentor may lead to assignments and promotions, which in essence is the objective of getting a mentor in the first place.

To truly get ahead, women need to acquire a sponsor, a powerfully positioned champion, who has the power to push them through the system. Your sponsor will advocate for you to get a prized assignment or promotion, mentioning your name in meetings, actively pushing you up the ladder. Women seem to gravitate to role models or someone they admire rather than someone with the power to act on their behalf. Identify that person at the senior leadership level, male or female, who has respect in the organization and has the power to make things happen for you.

In the end, women must take ownership of their career. Intentionality, therefore, is key. Utilize mentorship and sponsorship to develop much needed skills and confidence to take on senior leadership roles. Step out of the box that is defined by your job description and learn all you can. Promote your strengths as well as your achievements, understand your gaps and work towards closing them. It was Ursula Burns, former C.E.O. of Xerox, the first black woman CEO to head a Fortune 500 company, who said “believe there are no limitations, no barrier to your success. … you will be empowered and you will achieve”.

This mindset of self-doubt can show up in various forms. It showed up when you wondered why you were selected for that promotion, when you wondered how you got a seat around the table in the boardroom with all these accomplished persons, when you could not believe that you made “it” and think you got lucky, when you felt like a fake, not knowing exactly what you are doing in that senior role. This phenomenon of capable, talented people being plagued by self-doubt has a name- the impostor syndrome.

Impostor syndrome is a term coined in 1978 by clinical psychologists Dr. Pauline R. Clance and Suzanne A. Imes referring to high-achieving individuals marked by an inability to internalize their accomplishments and a persistent fear of being exposed as “fraud”. Dr Caroline Broderick, a leading Australian psychologist, says there is still uncertainty around specific risk factors that increase a person’s chance of feeling this way. Research suggest that family dynamics, personality traits or being a minority in a workplace can contribute.

Impostorism expert Dr Valerie Young says a promotion, starting a business, or landing a new role can all trigger low self-esteem. Her research also suggests women are more likely to experience feelings of job ineptitude than men because they internalise setbacks as a failure in their ability, rather than considering external factors. Dr. Young in her book — The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women: Why Capable People Suffer From the Impostor Syndrome and How to Thrive In Spite of It, cites a classic cartoon example where a woman tries on a pair of pants that no longer fit and she says, “I must be getting fat” while a man tries on his ill-fitting pants and states, “There must be something wrong with these pants.” Women tend to assume it’s their issue and blame themselves.

Having a fear of being “found out” as not being as smart or talented or deserving or experienced as people think, is a common phenomenon. An estimated 70% of people experience these impostor feelings at some point in their lives, according to a review article published in the International Journal of Behavioural Science. Impostor syndrome affects high achievers from all walks of life. It was Nobel Laureate Maya Angelou who said, “I have written 11 books, but each time I think ‘Uh-oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on everybody, and they’re going to find me out.” Despite winning three Grammys and being nominated for a Pulitzer Prize and a Tony Award, she still questioned her success. Fortunately, she overcame her fear of being a “fraud” and continued to pen a legacy of poems that continue to profoundly enrich the lives of readers.

Viola Davis has won Tony, Emmy and Oscar awards and delivers incredibly inspiring acceptance speeches, yet she struggles with the impostor syndrome- “I still feel like I’m going to wake up and everybody’s going to see me for the hack I am. I still feel like when I walk on the set, I’m starting from scratch, until I realize, ‘OK, I do know what I’m doing, I’m human.’”

Sheryl Sandberg, Chief Operating Officer of Facebook, also felt like a fraud. In her bestseller, Lean In, SHE noted that for women, feeling like a fraud is a symptom of a greater problem. We constantly underestimate ourselves. Numerous studies across industries “show that women often judge their performance worse than it actually is, while men judge their performance as better than it actually is.”

Now that we know there is a name for this “thing” we feel, and we are not alone, we can focus on combating that fear, so it will not control our actions and prevent us from taking advantage of opportunities and achieving our goals.

Call It Out
Self-awareness is critical for self-development. The first step to overcoming impostor syndrome is to acknowledge it, understand what your triggers are and put it in perspective. The naming of the impostor syndrome is to start to sense control over it. The impostor feelings need not take over your life if you understand it is a response to a situation and that, with practise, you can control your response to the impostor syndrome.

Claim Your Success
Not surprisingly, when we experience that fear of being “found out”, women tend to attribute our success to external factors – we got lucky or someone helped us. Women do this more often than men who are more likely to attribute their successes to a combination of internal factors, such as sheer hard work or talent. As women we need to claim our success. A simple exercise of journaling or making a list of your accomplishments, your qualifications and successful projects, will remind you that it can’t be luck. This serves as tangible evidence of how far you have come.

Stop The Comparisons
Author Iyanla Vanzant believes that “comparison is an act of violence against the self.” While we might read biographies and admire our role models and even our colleagues, remember you aren’t here to live the life of another person. You have your own path to create. Everyone has different talents and is on a different journey. Respect and own your authentic experience. When you show up as your authentic self, you give others permission to do the same.

Talk It out
Shame can sometimes keep us from reaching out for help, but most people experience moments of self-doubt, and that’s normal. Academy Award winning actress Kate Winslet confided: “I’d wake up in the morning before going off to a shoot, and think, I can’t do this; I’m a fraud.” Fellow actor Don Cheadle also shared a similar sentiment: “All I can see is everything I’m doing wrong that is a sham and a fraud.” Sharing your feelings with a trusted friend or mentor will help you realise that you are not alone and that your impostor feelings are both normal and irrational. Focus on the progress you have made.

Improve Self-Confidence
High achievers tend to focus more on what they haven’t done versus what they have. Take Dr. Margaret Chan, Chief of the World Health Organization, for example. She once said: “There are an awful lot of people out there who think I’m an expert. How do these people believe all this about me? I’m so much aware of all the things I don’t know.” Intentionally shift your mindset from focusing on your weaknesses to focus on your strengths. Move outside your comfort zone incrementally toward a stretch goal. Set realistic goals, not goals of perfection. Celebrate your effort and milestones.

Learn To Take Praise
People who experience impostor syndrome often use diminishing language when someone congratulates them on their success. We downplay our accomplishments and devalue ourselves. You might say phrases such as “Oh, that was nothing!” Learn to graciously accept praise. Instead, simply say, “Thank you!” Be proud of yourself.

Reframe your Thoughts
Reframing your self-talk, experts agree, is an essential part of taking back control. Tune in to your internal conversations, identify it for what it is and learn to turn off your negative self-script and develop a new script that will be a rational voice, that will help reduce your anxiety and build your confidence. It helps to have a mantra reminding yourself that you’ve worked hard to earn your spot.

The impostor syndrome impacts on women in the workplace more than men and hinders them from taking that step up into leadership. As we lead the crusade for women to take a seat at the boardroom table, we must prepare ourselves to grasp the opportunity. Our initial task is to acknowledge the impostor feelings then implement some strategies. If we succumb to the fear of being “found out” we rob ourselves and the world of our unique gifts we bring to the table. Today is your opportunity to start accepting and embracing yourself, knowing that you are enough.

My article was first published in the Trinidad Guardian newspapers in November, 2018.

The plethora of woman-led and woman-focused organizations, both internationally and locally, are testaments of women supporting women. Locally organizations such as the Association for Female Executives of Trinidad and Tobago, Young Women Christian Association, Powerful Ladies of Trinidad and Tobago, Soroptomist International of San Fernando, Network of NGOS for the Advancement of Women, to name a few, contribute to the support and development of women. These organizations are fine examples of women working together for the benefit of women.

Yet in some quarters, if we zero in on women’s personal experiences, there is a persistent stereotype that suggests otherwise. Like the movie “Mean Girls”, women consistently compete with one other and seek to bring the other down. This may happen when a woman in a position of authority hoards information and does not share pertinent information with another female colleague or “showing up” another female at a meeting, or just being plain rude. A study by researchers at Arizona University indicates women are meaner to each other than they are to their male colleagues. The evidence consistently showed that women reported higher levels of incivility from other women than their male counterparts. Researchers found that women often focus on other women who are assertive and dominant.

The Queen Bee Syndrome

The phenomenon of women targeting other women in the workplace has long been documented as the “queen bee syndrome.” This syndrome is particularly evidenced as women rise in seniority. Queen bee syndrome was first defined by G.L. Staines, T.E. Jayaratne, and C. Tavris in 1973. It describes a woman in a position of authority who views or treats subordinates more critically if they are female. She feels threatened by the progress of other female subordinates and tries to pull them down. The queen bee is an appropriate analogy, with senior female professional being the ‘queen’ of the beehive and the beehive in this context is the workplace. The early research of queen bee syndrome in the 1970s found that women who held senior leadership positions in male-dominated environments were sometimes opposed to other women climbing the ranks.

Workplace Bullying

Many women may confess that they have worked in offices where there is a female bully who is hell-bent on making life miserable at work, quite like the movie “The Devil Wears Prada”. A University of Toronto study revealed that women who report to a female supervisor feel more stressed than if their superior is male. These women suffer from far more depression, insomnia, headaches and heartburn than if their boss is a man. But for male workers, the sex of their manager makes no difference. It is not unusual for a stereotypical queen bee to bully her subordinates and create obstacles to their career advancement. A 2017 study by the Workplace Bullying Institute found that among those who mistreat their co-workers, women were more likely to target other women (67 percent), compared men who bully other men (35 percent.)

The Three Threats

Michelle Duguid, an Olin Business School professor, has identified three major factors that keep women from supporting one another in the business world- competitive threat, collective threat and favouritism threat.

The Competitive Threat – When there is a small number of women in a workplace or team, you are more likely to be compared with other women. “Competitive threat is the fear that a highly qualified female candidate might be more qualified, competent or accepted than you are,” Duguid explained. In a male dominated environment where women need to work hard to “join” the men’s club, those who attain entry to the club may feel threatened by other women who might replace them.

The Collective and Favouritism Threat – Women are sometimes apprehensive of hiring more women and creating more diversity in their workplace. They may be scared of appearing as though they are favouring and supporting one another.
Mentorship and sponsorship

According to Robin Ely, a professor at Harvard Business School, research suggests that, despite stereotypes, women don’t fall victim to the so-called “queen bee” phenomenon — and that most women at the top do want to help women. So how can women leaders help?
Be a mentor- A simple way to support other women is to be a mentor. Mentorship has proven to be very valuable in assisting women develop their skills and prepare for more senior roles. You don’t have to be a member of the c-suite to provide guidance to another female employee as a mentor. A good mentor can assume the roles of a sponsor, advocate, protector, or a coach to provide support related to career development. Alternatively, if you need a mentor you should seek one who is one level above you. According to Ely, their advice can be invaluable since they made it to the next step in the management hierarchy fairly recently.

Whilst mentoring has its value, a study by Catalyst, a leading non-profit focusing on women inclusion, found that mentoring for women did not translate into promotions. Sponsorship is a more impactful strategy that has the potential to bring tangible results. If you are in a highly placed position at work, you should identify a high potential female whom you can sponsor. As a sponsor you should advocate for the person to get a promotion, mentioning their name in appointments meetings, recommend that they to get a prized assignment, and actively push them up the ladder. If you need to acquire a sponsor, you should look for a powerfully positioned champion, who has the power to get you visible and push you through the system.

Be the change
Despite studies showing that men engage in indirect aggression at similar or even higher rates than women, it is still widely believed that women are meaner to one another. Contrary to popular belief, recent research actually discovered women were more likely to fill senior positions in companies where a female had been appointed chief executive, according to the Centre for Creative Leadership. To continue this trend, women should be intentional in supporting one another. Put it on your “to do” list. Make it a goal for 2019. Having the odds stacked against women in the workplace is enough. Let the change begin in our conversations and our actions. Let us be the solution we seek.

Written by Charlene Pedro – HR Consultant & Trainer, Coach, Mentor, Keynote Speaker and Managing Director – Conventus Consultinc.

Paul is having difficulty being accepted by his management team. Almost everyone finds him abrasive and blunt and consequently avoids him.

Sue-Ann can’t seem to keep her staff. Her department is the only department in the company with a high turnover.

We don’t need research to tell us what we already know. Relationships matter, not only in our personal lives, but in our professional lives also. Business, like life, is based on relationships. And the quality of your relationships is the natural by-product of the quality of your interactions. The days of authoritative leadership are long gone. The workplace has changed, and people are demanding and expecting a different brand of leadership. Leaders must be more emotionally intelligent to be more effective, to influence others and drive outcomes and desired results.

Emotional Intelligence

The term emotional intelligence was created by two researchers – Professors Peter Salovey and John Mayer – who define emotional intelligence as the ability to monitor one’s own and others’ feelings and emotions, to discriminate among them and to use this information to guide one’s thinking and actions. Emotional Intelligence however was popularized in 1995 by psychologist and behavioural science journalist Dr. Daniel Goleman. Dr. Goleman described emotional intelligence, in his book, “Emotional Intelligence”, as a person’s ability to manage his feelings so that those feelings are expressed appropriately and effectively. This ability also involves utilizing this emotional understanding to make decisions, solve problems, and communicate with others. According to Goleman, emotional intelligence is the largest single predictor of success in the workplace.

The Value Of Emotional Intelligence

The value of emotional intelligence in the workplace can be seen by examining how well the people in the organization work together. Emotional intelligence affects relationships between colleagues, between directors and staff; between C.E.O.s and managers. Emotional intelligence is applicable to every human interaction in the organization: from staff meetings to customer service, from management meetings to company presentations. Emotional intelligence is critical because people are an important part of any business.

The Dimensions Of Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence is made up of four core skills that categorised under two primary competencies: personal competence and social competence. Personal competence comprises your self-awareness and self-management skills, with a clear focus more on the individually than on an individual’s interactions with other people. Self-awareness refers to your ability to accurately perceive your emotions and stay aware of them as they happen whilst self-management is your ability to use awareness of your emotions to stay flexible and positively.

Social competence comprises your social awareness and relationship management skills. Social competence is your ability to understand other people’s moods, behaviour, and motives. Social Awareness is essentially understanding basic human emotional needs and it helps you to effectively respond to team members thereby improving the quality of your relationships. Relationship Management is your ability to use awareness of your emotions and the others’ emotions to manage interactions successfully. The development of reflective listening and empathy will help improve your relationship management skills.

Are Women Better Leaders Than Men?

Empathy is critical for leadership. Generally, women tend to be better at emotional empathy than men. Women use this emotional empathy to build rapport and relationships, to be understanding counsellors, nurturing teachers, and supportive group leaders.

Numerous tests of emotional intelligence seem to show that women tend to have an edge over men. A new study conducted by the Korn Ferry Hay Group found that women outperform men on nearly all emotional intelligence measures. The study examined 55,000 professionals in 90 countries and revealed women outperformed men in 11 of 12 “emotional intelligence competencies” important for management success. Women scored higher in inspirational leadership, coaching and mentoring, organizational awareness and adaptability. The only category in which women didn’t receive the better scores was “emotional self-control,” where no gender differences were found.

Another study, led by Professor Martinsen, head of Leadership and Organisational Behaviour at the BI Norwegian Business School, assessed the personality and characteristics of nearly 3,000 managers. His research revealed, that women were better leaders than their male counterparts in nearly all areas. Women outperformed men in four of the five categories studied: initiative and clear communication; openness and ability to innovate; sociability and supportiveness; and methodical management and goal-setting. However, men did appear to be better than women at dealing with work-related stress and they had higher levels of emotional stability.

Leading with Emotional Intelligence

A business that is led by an emotionally intelligent leader is one which fosters a culture that enables teams to work together to maximum effectiveness. This is a sure strategy that can only increase the organisation’s success, however measured.

Psychologist Ruth Malloy at the Hay Group Boston in her studies on excellence in leaders found that the gender difference impact upon leading with emotional intelligence disappears when you look at the top performers. When examining the star leaders- those in the top ten percent of business performance – gender differences in emotional intelligence abilities vanish: the men are as good as the women, the women as good as the men, across the board. In the end, it is not a matter of gender. It is a matter of how you treat your people. If you want to be a better leader, be a better human.

My article was first published in the Trinidad’s Business Guardian on 14th Februray, 2019.

Why is it that sometimes our dreams seem to die as we get older. If the dream does not disappear, it’s the twinkle in your eye that seems to dim as you get older. And eventually the dream evaporates as drizzling rain on a hot road in summer. Somehow as adults we tend to settle for the mundane routine of life. We work day in, day out and the next thing you know you are checking the years remaining to pay off the mortgage, hopefully before retirement.

But it does not have to be that way. It’s never too late. In 2009, in An Anatomy of an Entrepreneur, a study of 549 company founders, Vivek Wadhaw, a fellow of Stanford University, determined that the average age of a successful entrepreneur in high-growth industries such as computers, health care, and aerospace is 40. Twice as many successful entrepreneurs are over 50 as under 25; and twice as many, over 60 as under 20.

Maya Angelou, the famous American author, was 41 when her first novel was published.
So wherever you are, whatever your situation, you can rekindle that flame. Just make the decision, commit yourself and start now. Here are some tips to get you started.

1. Write It Down

Writing does something to the mind. It is the evidence of your conviction and the very act tells yourself that you are serious about achieving your dream. Dr Gail Matthews, a psychology professor at Dominican University in California, did a study on goal-setting with 267 participants. She found that you are 42 percent more likely to achieve your goals just by writing them down. Writing forces you to clarify what you really desire. Your dream then becomes your goal if you use the SMARTER (specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, time-bound, evaluate, reward) approach to defining your dream.

2. Develop A Plan Of Action
Writing your goals is just the beginning. You have to develop a plan outlining in detail how you are going to get to your destination. If you don’t have a plan, you will get nowhere fast. Do some personal skill-assessment. What are your strengths? What skills do you need to develop? You may need to take a course or do some volunteering to build your skills. Also don’t forget to have that discussion with yourself (then with your significant other) on how you think you can finance your goal, then probably seek some advice from the financial “gurus” if you have to.

3. Bring On The Cheerleaders

I remember many moons ago, my mother, my sisters and I would always go to watch my two elder brothers play their basketball games at Princess Elizabeth Court in Port-of-Spain. Rain or shine, we would be in the stands screaming at the top of our lungs,”GO HARAMBEE GO!” Sure enough they went on to be picked for the national team. Who are your cheerleaders? You need at least one cheerleader in your corner. Your cheerleader is someone who will genuinely support you all the way.  Whether they are able to give you advice or not is irrelevant. They just need to have your back.

4. Find A Mentor

Sometimes it is difficult to imagine that “big people” need a mentor. But having a mentor really helps to keep you on track. Your mentor will provide guidance, may introduce you to new networks and open doors.  A good experienced mentor should help you realize your potential, giving an objective view on your strengths and weaknesses. Also you may think you can make your to-do-list and get on with it by yourself. But sometimes we falter. A mentor will definitely hold you accountable for the tasks you promise to do.

5. Have Faith

It can be hard to have faith in yourself when things do not go your way and your dreams seem to be out of your reach. But the Big Man may have a plan for you. Create a vision for yourself and imagine yourself in your future state. Imagine yourself in your dream job. Imagine yourself having your first art exhibition. Imagine yourself celebrating your first on-line sale with some Moët & Chandon. Can you taste it?

I believe that we all have unique gifts. That nobody can deliver “it” the way you can or I can. The trick is to find your gift and nurture it. You may have to dig deep within to identify and unearth your gift. Pay attention to what people are saying to you. Listen for recurring compliments and positive feedback. Sometimes they see what you don’t see. It was my daughter who told me about my gift. About seven years ago she told me that my gift was to give hugs. And I’m now that she was absolutely correct. Now I find myself personally connecting with my clients and people I meet in my training programmes. Sometimes the hugs are psychological hugs, in terms of me being supportive, and sometimes they are actual physical hugs.

Real living is about finding your purpose. And it’s not too late to find yours. Have no regrets.

The Heidi/Howard case study

In 2003, Professors Frank Flynn and Cameron Anderson ran an experiment where they presented their students with a story of an entrepreneur-Heidi Roizen, a successful Silicon Valley venture capitalist. They told half the students that the entrepreneur’s name was Heidi; they told the other half that it was Howard. Then they asked students their impressions of Heidi or Howard and discovered that though the participants rated them both as competent and worthy of respect, Howard came across as a more appealing colleague. Heidi, on the other hand, was seen as selfish and not “the type of person you would want to hire or work for.” The same data with a single difference–gender–created vastly different impressions.

Pink for girls; blue for boys

The Heidi/Howard case study demonstrated that we evaluate people based on stereotypes. When a woman displays assertive behaviour she is thought to be acting like a man. If she acts like a man, she draws the wrath of people, she is not liked. As young girls our grandparents told us that girls must be seen and not heard. The socialisation begins at birth in choosing the paint colour for the baby’s room- pink for girls and blue for boys. If we explore the psychology of colours we will find some surprising information on how our society socialises girls differently from boys. Pink evokes romance and kindness, which could be interpreted as gentleness if you will. Whilst blue calls to mind feelings of calmness or serenity. It is often described as peaceful, tranquil, secure, and orderly. We may take some liberty and boldly argue that the security and orderliness could only encourage a “taking charge” trait.

Girls were socialised to be caregivers, nurturers and are told to sit still. Boys were socialised to be aggressive and allowed to run free. Since women are expected to be more nurturing than men-after all they were groomed to be mothers-giving a girl a doll teaches her to care for it and fosters the value of caring for others. When boys receive dolls, they are most likely to be action figures designed to bring out the alleged aggressive tendencies in boys. This early gender socialisation evolves into gender bias in the workplace.

Challenge to women’s leadership

A fundamental challenge to women’s leadership therefore arises from the incongruity between the qualities traditionally associated with leaders and those traditionally associated with women. There is a mismatch. The assertive, authoritative, and dominant behaviours that people link with leadership tend not to be viewed as attractive in women. Social psychologist Alice Eagly summarized the challenge- “The female gender role is based on the stereotype that women are nice and kind and compassionate,” . Whereas “in a leadership role, one is expected to take charge and sometimes at least to demonstrate toughness, make tough decisions, be very assertive in bringing an organization forward, sometimes fire people for cause, etc.”

The double bind

Since women are often evaluated against a yardstick that is “masculine”, a standard of leadership based on “masculine” qualities, they are caught between a rock and a hard place, no matter how they behave and perform as leaders, there are unfavourable options and subsequently outcomes. Because women have been socialised to selflessly take care of others, when they lead with a confident direct style, they are considered self-serving. When men lead in this same manner, they are well intended strong leaders. If women leaders are assertive, results-oriented and drives a hard negotiation, she will be seen as “trying to act like a man” and that approach may cost her “likeability” and even a promotion. Her peers may not like her “pushiness” and this may negatively impact on work relationships and career opportunities. Alternatively, if a woman toes the line that society’s traditional stereotype has drawn for her and acts in accordance with expectations, she places herself at a disadvantage in terms of her success and climbing the corporate ladder.
According to Eagly, women are caught in a double bind. This is a “choice of no lesser evil” in a situation where there are two options exclusive to each other, and where no correct or more beneficial choice can be made.

The three double-bind dilemmas

Catalyst, the non-profit organization working to advance opportunities for women and business produced a report, The Double-Bind Dilemma for Women in Leadership: Damned if You Do, Doomed if You Don’t, a study by Gender stereotyping. The studies say, the “masculine” leadership standard creates three “double-bind dilemmas” facing women leaders today:

-Extreme perceptions: Women leaders are perceived as “never just right.” If women business leaders act consistent with gender stereotypes, they are considered too soft. If they are assertive and act contrary to gender stereotypes, they are considered too tough.

-The high competence threshold/lower rewards: Women leaders face higher standards than men leaders and are rewarded with less. Often they must work doubly hard to achieve the same level of recognition as men leaders for the same level of work and “prove” they can lead.

-Competent but disliked: When women exhibit traditionally valued leadership behaviours such as assertiveness, they tend to be seen as competent but not personable or well-liked. Yet those who do adopt a more stereotypically feminine style are liked but not seen as having valued leadership skills.

Solution at the Organizational Level

Catalyst provides organizational action steps that companies can use to help root out the problem and reduce the effects of stereotyping in the workplace, including:

-Providing women leaders and other employees with tools and resources to increase awareness of women leaders’ skills and of the effects of stereotypic perceptions.

-Assessing the work environment to identify in what ways women are at risk of stereotypic bias.

-Creating and implementing innovative work practices that target stereotypic bias. These practices can be particularly effective when they address specific areas of risk, such as in an organization’s performance management procedures.

Organizations can apply this knowledge by providing managerial training and diversity education–educating managers and employees to the origin and consequences of bias, inconsistencies between values and actual behaviour, and causes and effects of gender inequality in the workplace. Organizations can also revisit their performance and evaluation management system to ensure that it uses objective and unambiguous evaluation criteria.

Change in Leadership

A few years ago, New York University’s business school repeated the Heidi/Howard study. This time around, students rated the female entrepreneur as more likable and desirable as a boss than the male. This heralds good news-that our society’s views on women, men and the definition of leadership is changing. Women leaders can only benefit from this change, as they remain intimately aware of their own leadership styles and strengths in order to make a positive impact.

This article was published in the Trinidad and Tobago’s Business Guardian on 7 February, 2019.

In September 2018, I was driving on the Lady Young Road heading to Port of Spain, when I received a call from Arthur Lok Jack Global School of Business asking me to be part of a panel for their Women in Leadership conference. Of course I said “yes!” But later that evening, as my day slowed down, I wondered “why me?”.

Then a few days later I saw the flyer for the conference. And I wondered “why me?” again.
There on the flyer was the keynote speaker from the USA, the former CEO and a General Manager. All well-known women and large regional companies. “How did I get there? Did they ask someone else before me and they couldn’t make it? “

I was relieved to find that there’s a name for what I was feeling- impostor syndrome.

Impostor syndrome is that little devilish voice in your head that makes you doubt yourself. If that voice whispered to you:

• You don’t know what you’re doing.
• You don’t belong here. Why are you here?
• You can’t possibly pull this off.
• You have no idea what you’re talking about.
• You’re not fooling anyone.

Then you have experienced impostor syndrome. Impostor syndrome can stop you from achieving your potential and cause you to miss out on important opportunities. When an entrepreneur experiences impostor syndrome it is of greater significance because entrepreneurs depend on their confidence to close deals, create partnership or simply deliver a presentation. Your livelihood as an entrepreneur depends, to a greater extent, on your belief in yourself.

The term was coined in 1978 by clinical psychologists Dr. Pauline R. Clance and Suzanne A. Imes referring to high-achieving individuals marked by an inability to internalize their accomplishments and a persistent fear of being exposed as “fraud”.

Impostor syndrome is an obstacle for small businesses

In 2020 Kajabi, an industry-leading an all-in-one business platform, released a study on the impact of imposter syndrome on entrepreneurs and small business owners.

The results revealed that eighty-four (84) percent of entrepreneurs and small business owners experience imposter syndrome. 70% of respondents said they’re disappointed in their accomplishments and feel should’ve accomplished more by now. Kajabi found that imposter syndrome is an obstacle for small business professionals, especially solo entrepreneurs taking big risks in the name of pursuing their dreams.

Strategies to beat Impostor Syndrome

Now that we know there is a name for this “thing” we feel, so how do you beat impostor syndrome?

Call it Out

The first step to overcoming impostor syndrome is to acknowledge it and understand what your triggers are. This gives you a sense of control over it. The impostor feelings need not take over your life if you understand it is a response to a situation and that, with practise, you can control your response to the impostor syndrome.

Check your Accomplishments

One simple strategy is to make a list of your accomplishments, your qualifications, and projects you worked on. This will remind you of your capabilities. It will help empower you to show up in a powerful, “ yes I can” manner.

Reframe your Mindset

Reframing your self-talk, experts agree, is an essential part of taking back control. Tune in to your internal conversations, identify it for what it is and learn to turn off your negative self-script and develop a new script that will be a rational voice

The above are a few strategies from a pool of many strategies that you can utilise. Impostor syndrome will not disappear like magic, but you can minimise it with these strategies.  If you really want to take back control and prepare yourself to seize opportunities as an entrepreneur, then developing your skills to beat the impostor syndrome is the only option.

Let’s get you started! Start your transformational journey to beat the impostor syndrome.